Self Discovery – Day 2

Today was hard. My wife and I haven’t spoken to each other since yesterday. Sad, how we both dig in…waiting for the other to come to us with an apology…I guess neither of us are ready yet.

I’ve spent much of my day, sitting in a Lazy Boy recliner, in the privacy of our upstairs living space. I’ve been struggling as I try to figure out the inner workings of WordPress, and I’ve come to finally realize that I’ve got an awful lot to learn about the site.

But enough of all that…

Today, I am a photographer learning to blog. Funny word…”blog.” At the age of 48, I’m finally ready to take this plunge as a means of introspection in an extrovert kind of way. My life seems full of contradictions…the yin and the yang…coexisting as bitter rivals, and intimate friends. What lies within, seems at odds with what is manifested without…yet we seem to be stuck with each other…myself and I.

I hope you like my pictures.

~tacamojoe~

Only the shallow know themselves – Oscar Wilde

Self Discovery Day 1

I’m not exactly sure why, but tonight I feel compelled to allow the world a glimpse into the protective vault I have made for myself. Without going into too much detail, my life was shattered almost 5 years ago.

I’ve hit the bottom…and become a traveler whose tent has become a burden of necessity. I know how damaged I am. I can never be the same man I had once been. That life seems like a dream, and the ensuing nightmare left me shell-shocked and disillusioned for a very long time. As a wandering soul, I’ve become parched and thirsty, seeking the nourishing water of purpose again. And 6 months past, I chose to take the risk of committed love once again. But, the ghosts of lifetime’s past continue to haunt me.

I am finished living the life of an urban nomad, following the approval of others as illusive mirages, and choking on the dust of my petty insignificance. Today, I chooses to take my place as a worthy man, free to choose the way I live and giving myself permission to follow my dreams without suffocating guilt or shame. Today I choose to live again…I am free.

~tacamojoe~

A wise man follows his own direction ~ Sufi Proverb